You stop caring what people think of you, by not caring what people think of you.
Circular reasoning I know, but bear with me.
First I want to ask you a question.
Do you trust yourself?
I guarantee the answer was um…. maybe… or even a pause?
I have never gotten a definite, YES I COMPLETELY TRUST IN MYSELF.
If you can not answer with a YES. Then you do not trust yourself.
What is self trust? It is trusting in yourself and the decisions that you make for your life.
Every time you make a decision, you don’t have to ask a tribe of people their opinion on it. You don’t need to ask your friend what shes wearing out on a Saturday night. Pick your own outfit, that YOU like, and own it. This applies to thousands of small things. Asking what this text means from your crush, what are you getting for lunch etc.,
Stop asking for others permission to act.
This is so important. You have spent your entire life asking for permission and validation. This is your parents, the school system, people who were your elders. You had to ask to use the bathroom. Can I buy this? Can I go here? Can I?
No one tells you, when you become an adult that you can stop asking permission for everything that you do.
So unfortunately, we build those habits and they are ingrained in us from childhood, so we continue this on into adulthood. We are still asking for permission to be ourselves and seeking validation. Please like me, please give me a pat on the back for every little thing I do.
You need to build a life that is your own. You don’t need to ask the peanut gallery where you should go to school. If you should date that guy. If you should buy that jacket.
Its dangerous to always ask for other peoples opinions. When you ask an opinion this is what you are receiving:
THEIR FEARS + INSECURITIES
= THEIR OPINION
Where do you fall into this equation? That’s right, no where.
Your parents and friends are going to give you unsolicited advice on what THEY think you should do with your life, based on theirs.
My advice is to take anyone’s advice or opinion with a grain of salt. Of course sometimes you can get a good opinion. Its up to you to decide what you will take from that, and what you will leave.
Where is this opinion coming from and what are their intentions? Is this best for me or them?
You need to become a gate keeper to your life. Those opinions can be sneaky.
As an example, if your parents didn’t have security they will tell you to make sure you get a safe, secure job. Based on their experiences, their fears, and their values.
Even if these people love and care about you and have your best interests at heart. You already know and have everything inside of you to make the best decisions for yourself.
People are so scared to make a bad decision. Who cares. You fail? Guess what. Failure is an illusion. You can never do the wrong thing, you can only learn from the experiences those decisions gave you. You must fail to win, there is no other option. So don’t be afraid to make a bad decision.
You need to make a couple bad decisions to build your confidence.
That’s where your true power lies. If you can say “I am at this place in my life because I have made every single decision to get me to where I am.” you can take advantage of that.
You can take ownership of that power and say “I have the ability to turn this around because I am the one responsible for where I am.”
This is my life, I created it. I can re create it too.
There is nothing more powerful than that.
Real joy and happiness comes from honoring your individuality and making decisions for yourself.
When you call someone and ask their opinion, inside you already know whats best, you just want someone to back it up and validate your doing the right thing. Stop that. You already know what is best for you.
People can plant seeds of doubt in your head. When you should have just trusted yourself.
Make your own decisions. Don’t be afraid to fail, there is no such thing.
If you are always seeking the opinions of others on every little thing, you are not living a life of your own. You probably feel claustrophobic and resentful.
It shows up in lots of little ways. Bad friendships, bad jobs, you hate your career, your resentful towards your parents because they “made you” take this course, blah blah.
So please, stop asking everyone what you should be doing with your life.
It takes a healthy level of emotional intelligence to know what you do or do not want.
You don’t need to broadcast to everyone that you broke up with your boyfriend, just so they can tell you, you made the right decision. You already know you made the right decision.
I ask my husbands opinion on a lot of things. That’s because I value his opinion and know he always has my best interests at heart. We share the same values and goals for the most part. However, if he gives me an opinion I don’t agree with, I always, always do what I think is right. And, I always, ask the questions above. Is this good advice? Does it serve me? Is it based on his fears and insecurities?
Its important to develop a filter of everything that’s said to you.
Don’t be reactive to opinions. Opinions are a dime a dozen. Be calm always. Then decide what to take from it. It takes practice and skill to ask the critical questions.
So how do you stop caring what people think?
Well, you stop caring what people think.
The reason you care what people think, is because you are constantly asking what they think.
You ask them what you should do, and you care what they think, and then you wonder why you care.
Don’t care about the opinions of people who don’t get you, understand you, see you or your mission.
You should love life. That happens when you become free. That’s when you know you have created a life of your own.
Remember there are a lot of opinions, and a lot of people trying to plant seeds in your head.
You decide which seeds you want to water, and what kind of garden you want to grow.